gone

I kinda feel like I dont fit anymore.

like the space I used to slot into so easily is getting smaller

Castle of Bones

Watched the series final of Bones and Castle
Both ended with the love tensions (if that what you call it) building up and coming crashing down in one and left with a question mark in the other.
Beckett lost her chance
and Brennan realised what she was going to miss

I hate endings like that

when you promise you wont do it again

itsnt it funny how old habits die hard.
you know I'm really sucking at this whole blogging thing...
half the time I dont know what to say as I have nothing interesting to talk about. lol
well I do but I dont want to. lols cuz it would always sound like im complaining. hahaha, which I have been told I do quite often.
anyways, I have nothing of interest to say
off to study
yay :(

much love

10:4

formspring.me

Ask me anything. http://formspring.me/princessstinky

When your comments dont work

elle. Was trying to comment your dream post and its not letting me.
stupid poor internet at my tiny uni
So in light of elles earlier comment I am going to write something uplifting.

ummm.....things are better. :) and I can smell pumpkin. wishing I could eat it.

honestly I have nothing of interest to say.

i only just passed my education essay which means I'll have to work my butt off for the 125 question multiple choice exam. kill me know.

and you wonder why I have nothing positive to say lols

much love

10:4

So. No post for quite some time.

I really dont have anything interesting to say. Just though I would post as I have been neglecting this poor little blog for some time.

Uni is good.
Work is good.
Life stinks.
But what can you do.
Life goes on :)

much love

10:4

am i wrong?

How do you know when your wrong?

I have had a major love for a while now, and only know am I being bombarded with; "you can do better"

Why didnt you tell me all this BEFORE I got so attached.

Is someone's worth really attached to what job they do, if and what they study?

Am I a better person because I go to uni?

Am I better because I have iniciative?

Someone develops those attributes.

If you claim someone is a no hoper does that mean you give up on them? Are they not worth your time?

I'm going to be a teacher in 4 years. Does that mean I give up on the student who is only going to drop out as soon as they can?

Why cant I be trusted to make the right decision?

Why do I get told that 'if you do....we will not approve....but you know, its your life and your decision.'
Yeah, your not manipulating me at all.

Screw what I think.



10:4

Ideas needed

Wanting to make my 'mr ebay reject' blog more interesting/inviting. I also want to make the items look more 'buyable' (i know elle thats not a word)

So your ideas would be very muchly appreciated :)

much love

ari xoxox

wisdom

mum said I was actually talking sense today! Story goes: we were talking about a family friend who was complaining about her daughter who just turned 13. And she was complaining that she wanted to wear her skirt to school really short. and I was like, 'i think if you explained to her that she looked like a slut then she wouldnt do it' - but in a few more words of course. And mum was like wow your talking sense whats wrong? and I was just like well, i think studying child development has helped me understand how the brain works. not that were total slaves to our brains and dont understand anything apart from that. but in the teen years the reason and understanding of conciquences gets overriden by impulse and wants in the brain. not that we are exempt from responsibility but sometimes we just cant understand.

anyway, mum was pretty impressed. and its hard to get a compliment from her. and i succeeded! :) yay me

well hope you all liked your lesson on child development for the day :)

much love

10:4

???????????

Sometimes you can walk along in life and all you feel like saying is why the hell is this happening

Does life ever un-screw itself up? Can I write a good assignment the day before? Will I feel weird returning to a place that was home but now I cant figure out what it is? Does the feeling of limbo ever fade? Was someone really your best friend when they dont even tell you they gave birth to their first kid? How can you not know a person who you've known since you were four? Why cant parents be like in the movies, even just for a day? Why to people get on your nerves when you like being their friend so much? Why do girls compare themselves to others? Why cant I talk to him if he makes me feel better? Will I ever be able to make my own decisions? Does wishing on a star work? Are dreams really wishes your heart makes? Does crime always end neatly like on tv? Why do I do things I am ashamed of? Why do I feel responsible for my parents screw ups? Why is life so freaking complicated? Do seasons in life ever end? Do things get better? Will I ever feel like things are ok? Will it work itself out like I've always told myself? Why do adults hold grudges? Why teach us to forgive when you cant do it yourself? Why cant some people get over their pride? Why is my hair so dry? (ok that was random) How does my best friend tolerate my problems? Why do people let past hurts dictate the future? If I've forgiven why do I still struggle with the pain? Why do I want to get married so early? Why do I crave security when I have a stable home and family? Why do I feel like I'm not changing as a person? Why do I sometimes feel worthless when I know I am loved and valued by heaps? Why do I crave affirmation? Why do I pretend everything is ok when I feel like I'm going to burst from the pressure? Why am I afriad to express how I really feel? Why do I miss him so much when I havnt even spoken or seen? When will the bitch of rainbow get here...the rain is just getting harder ><

I think after that rant I've come to the conclusion that one day everything will be fine. And this will all just seem like a stupid emotional spat :P Maybe one day I'll have the answers and maybe one day I wont. Either way...the sun will rise tomorrow and I'll be one step closer to getting older. And one day away from all the crap thats hit the fan.

much love

10:4

why I love blacktown and listening in

so on the train to uni this morning I overheard 3 ex-prisoners (from b-town yaw!) talking about which judge is the best for letting them off. lol...thanks guys now I know next time i'm in court.

Also what was interesting was how they graded their crimes....'I was only driving while suspended' yeah...no big deal...I mean you could have been drink driving, or worse.....driving without a licence....lol...it was the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life.

Also I know there is a certain judge that you 'never lie to' cuz man if she finds out your gone....lol

So I'm at uni and I'm supposed to be doing my assignment thats due wednesday and growing my virtual child...but reading the lady's essay next to me is so much more fun! it's on potato storage....lol....what is higher education coming to???

Anyways, I better go do some work :)

much love

10:4

whyyawannabringmedown?

hmmm yeah just finished listening to that song

ok i have nothing of significance to say

so I grew my child to age 8 this arvo

I have to have him to 18 by the end of next week ><

raising a child is hard

and sometimes there really annoying :P

I wonder if the virtual world is anything like the real thing. For some reason you get attached. Yeah its an internet program but you feel a part of the little person and the responsibility is insane. You know I would love a kid. Hard work. And he wouldnt get to age 18 in 2 weeks. lol. Virtual world children can teach you a lot I guess. A bit like real children??

much love

10:4

ps: elle check out the subtitle of this blog http://agurley.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog ;) the phrase is popping up everywhere!!!

Best Friends

Maybe the best way to do things sometimes is to be best friends. first.

and see how things go from there.

wish things could just let go an life would just take its course.

like I said to a friend the other day

'if its meant to be, it'll work itself out'

much love

10:4

hmmm

I have an obsession with the Yahoo! website OMG.

There is something about seeing celebs in imperfect dresses and even liking some of the frocks that feature in the 'what were they thinking?' photo galleries.

what is it?

much love


10:4

stuff boys

boys are not worth your time

and there always full of crap

(this is the PG version of what i would really like to say)

much love

10:4

Expectations

You know when you have a friend and you havnt seen them in ages and then you want to talk to them about something and you just want someone to say 'its ok, everything will work out fine' and you think that this person knows that but then they give you a superficial answer like 'trust god and listen to your parents' and then they go on to talk about how amazing their life is at the moment.

Yeah well that hurts.

'When your world is full of strange arrangements
And gravity wont pull you through
You know youre missing out on something
Well that something depends on you...Then your dreams fall apart at the seams'

(From a song I'm obsessed with at the moment)

much love



10:4

Things I learnt and Christmas songs

I LOVE listening to Christmas carols out of season. I think they are the best worship songs around. Glorifying God in a really special way. Its weird but I love it.

I also wanted to note some of the things I learnt at uni this week

1. dont turn up to lectures early if you all your friends have dropped out of uni you only end up looking like a loner. Yes we all know you are one but save your pride and turn up to lectures late.
2. you'll be surprised that just when you thought you were loney in uni land a random you met in your tutorial will tap you on the back and drag you to sit with her
3. saying the name felix is funny
4. felix means happy
5. walking hurts when you never do any exercise
6. I hate eftpos limits...i have the right to use my card to buy something for $2 ok!? (seriously who uses cash these days!)
7. umm girls are highly emotional

and a list of things I learnt today

1. dont invite people you dont like to a concert cuz you think they wont come, cuz they will its like karma or something
2. asain girls named eloise do not look the same in real life as I imagined. (they dont dress like schoolgirls for one)

Anyway as you can see it has been an insightful week :)

much love

10:4

tumblr

transferred my picture shuffle through to a tumblr

check it out

http://awesomenessrevised.tumblr.com/

much love

10:4

Next

Elle gave me this one...always makes me go hehe :)

Shes back from the dead

This is eleanor.

Like the elle-phant (he he) at taronga zoo she is back from the dead ;)

So I've decided that I'm going to write a post related to all the pictures I have on my computer. This one is cute.

I looked it up when I was having a 'im-so-lonely' moment... :(

Been having a few of those lately

But more often I'm having 'im-so-confused' moments

Such is life

much love

10:4

ebay reject page

Hey guys

As some of you know I have a ebay account and sometimes things dont sell. So I've made a blog that showcases the stuff that doesnt go on ebay. There is not much there at the moment but be sure to watch the space :)

Thanks heaps

Also I think that Abi will have some of my stuff up on her site as well :) If you dont end up catching it there it'll eventually end up on my site :)

much love

10:4

I think I'm going to be ok

So my friend that I made at uni dropped out

And 3 of my good friends dont go to my church anymore

and in the name of maturity I have told another very very good friend that I can no longer have communication with him

and my other friends have their own lives and problems

I cannot continually rely on them

and yet, strangely enough I feel content with my life

well, my social life

My academic life could be better. I not doing as well as I should be :( well I dont think so. Hopefully my assignment mark will reflect the effort I put in. I'm scared I didnt answer the question.

But to make up for lack of motivation I have started to study for my upcoming assignment. Mostly because I am on my 3 hour break at uni :(
Curse you 11 lecture and 3pm tutorials :P

Much love

10:4

A little help from my thrifty friends :)

So Abi has kindly let me put some stuff on her friperie blog

(in exchange for free advertising of course)

So be sure to check it out :)

much love

10:4

when no one is listening

So is it crazy to send something to someone knowing they dont know it exists? Like sending a letter when they dont check their mailbox? Or emailing them when they dont check it? Or messaging the wrong number?

Is that weird. To deliberately do it so they wont know until later? Or you hope for the best that one day they'll randomly find it?

Thats weird

I watched hitchcock's psycho the other day

It was creepy. Not scary but creepy

anyways

much love

10:4

Text msg

'...Stay strong and please pray for me :)'

Verbatim

How can I stay mad at that?

much love

10:4

Wishing you were somehow here again...

I've always wanted the words of that song to relate to my life

And its in that wishing that I feel I am betraying my family

but in denying my emotion I am betraying my heart

and I know from growing up in church

that the heart is wicked, who can know it?

But is it totally wicked?

Yes its capeable of imagining up horrible and unmentionable things

but what about when you've invested in someones life?

And your hoping for the best for them?

But you cant be there and you hope they have the strength to pull through anyway?

Is that your soul feeling? or your heart?

All you can do is pray

i guess

and dont look back

much love

10:4

p.s shout out to jason (: as he visited me and grace at uni today!

Ebay and philosophy readings

So I made a ebay account to sell some of my crap (partially inspiration from Abi =] )
AND ITS SO BLOODY ADDICTING!!!!
I went on to SELL and I end up what? BUYING! I've been sitting on the computer half the day when I have philosophy readings to do....
But the possibility of buying a $1 roxy maxi dress and a $500 macbook is waaaaaaay too tempting!
I got a haircut the other day
its different, he cut my fringe so it always dries straight! The dude is a genius! He comes from Jordan and has only been here 2 weeks.
Anyway.
This is very different from my vent the other day
I apologise for the deepness.
rawr
did you scared? hehe
So I told my most favouritest person in the world that we cant talk for a while
hes still my favouritest
and i think he always will be
im not saying that blinded. I'm saying it with eyes wide open and future in mind.
sometimes its a matter of saying, 'not right now, but definately later'

much love
10:4 :)

cute photo

lonely no more?

Isnt it weird how you can be surrounded by a vast amount of people and yet feel lonely?

I think its really weird to have someone say 'i love you' and yet feel totally unloved...or be able to brush the statement off...

Isnt it weird that you can be 'fine' and yet tears are just below the surface?

You know your weird when you slow down your walk so you can hear strangers talk about retainers. Only to have them overtake you.

Sometimes I feel like all have walked out. But then i remeber those who havnt. And I can take them for granted. and when im with them i want to block out all reality. im sorry i do that to you.

i have this problem with problems...

i tend not to like facing them

closing my eyes, hands over ears....la la la I cant hear you

--and everything is exploding in your face and you pretend its not there

you put on a smile and listen to others talk about their tool boyfriends

----right now i dont care, but tell that to my face

yeah i'm all good :)

i hope this doesnt freak anyone out. i'm just writing as i think :)

can we start again?

much love

10:4

5 years later and it still relates

I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realised the conscience never fades.

When you're young you have this image of your life,
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to, you wake completely lost.

But I will fight for you, Be sure that I will fight,
Until we're the special two once again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
'cause we're the special two!
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another's,'cause we're the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me,
That "lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place could soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is, don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind, you know I will not let you down,

'Cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,'cause we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together
These arms will not be taught to need another,'cause we're the special two.

I step outside my mind's eyes for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...

when we would only need each otherwe'd bleed together
these hands would not be taught to hold another's,
We were the special two.
And we could only see each other we'd bleed together,
These arms would not be taught to need another's,
'Cause we're the special two.

much love

10:4

tired

is it possible to be so emotionally spent that it physically starts to show?

I had a really good chillax and forget life night at elles yesterday

If only it were possible to escape everyday...(insert depressing sigh)

much love

10:4

give up

I give up. totally. I cant do this. anymore.

adult responsibility

Sometimes I wish for the old days back

you lie at 8 you get the spanking of a lifetime

lie ten years later and all you get is a dissaproved look and a 'you choose the path you take in life'

you sneak out at 8 and you get grounded for life

sneak out 10 years later and you just get the 'im really dissapointed'

I'm really missing childhood conciquences

growing up is lame

anyway

much love

10:4

Orientations are BOR-ING!

They really are.

Ok so there is a greek society.

You go out on drinking parties.

and have sports groups

that go out and drink

and you have a chess club

that meet over drinks

and you have designated smoking areas

where you can also drink

and we have a uni ball

where you can....ENOUGH WITH THE DRINKING ALREADY

omg, catholics are worse than sinners, I'm telling you.

Isnt it a bit sacreligious to get smashed while there is a whopping big statue of Jesus in the courtyard and the nuns stop by to say hello, and mass is going on only 3 feet away in the chapel?

And since when do catholic unis have muslim prayer rooms.

Something is seriously messed up here :P

well such was my day at uni orientation

much love

10:4

and not only was everyone obsessed with drinking my friend was complaining to everyone cuz there was no bar on the uni campus. But its ok the members of the student association gave an extensive list of pubs in the strathfield area. ><

:P

Reading :) all day

So I read 7th Heaven, A Womens Murder Club book, today.

So its awesome!

Started my interest in WMC approximately this time last year when it was on tv (I watched it at my grandma's before you even ask) Fell in love with Sarg Lindsay Boxer as she is totally awesome and her handsome parter Richie. I love my murder mysteries.

So the ending in 7th Heaven was totally unexpected-jodi-piccoult like!

Its a defo must read!

Anyway. Off to do my domestic duties :)

much love

10:4

My New Favourite Song

Soulmate - Natasha Bedingfield

The words just describe everyone's longing for a soulmate :)

much love

10:4

KILL ME

NOW!

I am so freaking bored. I totally cant wait until I start uni cuz then at least I'll have something productive to do.

There is only so much housework one can do before she starts going insane ><

much love

10:4

When there is a soulmate for everyone...

Thanks for loving me
Thanks for reminding me that I'm well and truely on my way to hell
Thanks for being there when I got into trouble (again)
Thanks for not judging me when I was crapping my pants thinking you would
Thanks for loving me even when I lower my standards
Thanks for always being supportive
Thanks for not pretending to have all the answers
Thanks for having boy issues
Thanks for letting me dog you at your house and watch James Bond
Thanks for always feeding me chicken and pizza when I come over
Thanks for knowing how to be a friend without being told
Thanks for calling me a cow in year 8 cuz I told you off for something random, thats the trappings of a true friend
Thanks for loving books
Thanks for showing me that sometimes you have to face your problems
Thanks for telling me that sometimes I have to put myself first
Thanks for hating my music
Thanks for telling me off cuz I had my music blaring in the car in cabramatta at like 11 at night
Thanks for putting up with my psycho driving
Thanks for hating Jodie with me (lol)
Thanks for being the bestest friend ever
Thanks
A million times thanks

(it would be a billion but you refuse to fall in love with brendan!)

I love you

much love

10:4

Lessons I learned from Ariel

Ariel: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.
Ursula: That's right. But you'll have your man.
Life's full of tough choices, innit?

Two lines that sum up my life at the moment

Too bad the mermaid didnt give me the answers

much love

10:4

He makes me feel like a (disney) princess

And I'm not just saying that :)

I have no idea whats up with the ranom giddiness :o

much love

10:4

So true

This was on post secret this week

much love

10:4

things I've learnt this week

1. People think my message tone is weird (is 'big and chunky'by will.i.am for the madagascar 2 soundtrack)
2. people dress nice for uni
3. strathfield is full of asains
4. there is such a thing as a asian healthy takeaway
5. there are rules to a waterbomb fight (thanks jason!)
6. my cousin is cute
7. its fun to listen in on random people's conversations at uni
8. im excited to go to uni
9. my friends are deep bloggers
10. diva has a mens range coming soon
11. black guys like bling and will sacrifice their manhood to walk into a store like diva
12. rouse hill shops are awesome but on a hot day are pathetic
13. customers are pushy
14. you can make friends if you be yourself
15. old people do BA/BT's at uni
16. there are old people in my BA/BT classes
17. my brother is growing up (lol...i remember the things I was up to at 14/15)
18. Jayjays have awesome sales
19. I love him more
20. I dont mind not having any money
21. I liked ps i love you (actually that was last weeks revelation)
22. I'm selfish

much love

10:4

I'm not as deep as my friends

Cuz I like to bumble through life and take it as it comes. I only loosely plan my future. I know what I want from life like marrying, having kids etc but i dont know how I'm supposed to get there. A visiting pastor was at my home church the other week and he gave me what people call a 'word'. He told me to stop looking in the mirror and look to the future, for the destiny I could have in God. But I'm scared.

You think 18 is old. But its not. You big but your little at the same time.

Anyway I dont want to muse too much. I dont like the quiet.

As pink said 'the quiet scares me cuz it reveals the truth'

sorry its short but yeah

much love

10:4

The mercury is pushing 42 and the air con dies..

Thus is life...
I worked today, nothing too interesting.
I sold heaps of $3 'australia day' necklaces much to the enjoyment of my manager!
Yay
I got into ACU!!! :)
Funnily enough I will be so glad to get back into the routine of study.
I miss it.
My aunt said I was crazy and maybe I am but I'll be so happy to get back into the swing of things.
Grace is going to the same uni
Yay (again)
I have her party to go to tonight
so excited


the hall better be air conditioned :P

much love

10:4

Megan Fox not so foxy after all :)

So I saw an article today about how Megan Fox missed out on the top spot of askmen.com's top 99 most desirable women. It was "Entourage" actress Emmanuelle Chriqui. You should check the picture out. Shes not your typical stick thin girl. Yeah she is trim and looks terrific but I am so glad she actually looks like a real woman! An everyday girl. Finally girls can understand that guys want women with, believe it or not curves!!! I am so glad that the top woman wasnt tiny and stick thin. Dont get me wrong stick thin girls are beautiful but I think for the 99.9% of girls out there not blessed with a tiny body can smile and be confident as there are men out there who appreciate your body. I'm not trying to say girls are just eye candy, its just nice to know that there are people who appreciate who you are. And that is defo a confidence booster!

well there goes my rant for the day :)

much love

10:4

ps if you want to check the article out its at:
http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/askmen-coms-top-99-most-desirable-women-of-2010/348?nc

I have not stopped in 3 days

literally I have been so busy. But the sad thing about it all is that I have no interesting stories from those 3 days. Except seeing elle again after forever! So today is a kinda recooperation day and so far I feel pretty relaxed. Im so excited for my friends party tonight, only cuz its dress up and its going to be heaps fun! I'll try get a pic and post it :) but no promises. Cuz the party is at my pastors house I was contempating putting a fake tatoo on, just to scare everyone. funnily enough my father encouraged it. that man is getting more and more lenient I think. but then i wonder. whatevs.

So waltzing practice was fun but I was over it by 7.

Random thought: You know when you say no to someone about something and you so desperately want to say yes? I had a moment like that last night (ok that sounds wrong but trust me the situation wasnt) You say no cuz your saving yourself and the other pain but you dont know if the other understands it? Will they still care about you? Will you still be important to them?

I think when you do things right in the first place things dont screw up at the end.

gotta go and veg out wewt!

much love

10:4

lifes tough

I guess life is weird. You go through and you get to places you'd never throught you would be. You wish you were someone else. You wish you were not in the place you are. Its weird. I think all this spare time is making me think too much. Or maybe I need to face my fears and do what is right? I've lived my life longing not to hurt anyone, but eventually im going to have to. How do you make a decision that will either hurt you in the long run or another person? They say when you love someone, you'll want the best for them. what if whats best is going to hurt them and you dont know how they'll recover? Do you tell them the whole truth? Or do you soften it...? Softening it only makes it worse I think cuz your still avoiding the problem.

Whatever.

enough deep thinking for me..

much love

10:4

ps. Jason best of bootie 2009 is out :) go to bootie blog they have a link also DJ Earworm has done a United States of Pop for 09 :) thought you might be interested.

I wish I was jewish...

then I wouldnt have to do work on sundays but alas the table must be set for lunch...

My holiday was absolutely fantastic :) if only i could stay forever...

So i get back and I'm totally busy. Christening today, errands tomorrow, party tuesday, wednesday off (i thinkg), thursday is grace's party practice, friday a nautical theme farewell party then saturday work....busy busy busy.

I'm sleepy just thinking about it :)

hope everyone had an awesome week, hopefully see you all soon :)

much love

10:4

twenty ten and private ryan

I Know, I'm a day late....but happy new year. Hope everyone had fun. I have absolutely nothing deep and meaningful to say as I dont feel change until I get there. Plus life is a bit of a blur for me as there are many things going on. Things in my life, things in my friends lives. Its all cuz of the bloody transision into adulthood or whatever. There a lots of questions and not many answers. But I'm not sooking, everything will work out. Just have to get used to not having all the answers.

Holidays next week. So I'll be out of action.

I saw saving private ryan last night. It was absolutely fantastic. I almost cried. though I must admit it was a tad bit (ok HEAPS) gory. But like it was sad, cuz its WW2 movie its all people dying. Quite sad though dont watch it with a full tummy.

So my life next week will be relaxing on the beach of shoal bay (my holiday destination of 18 years) I love that place, hardly anyone knows about it so its like a secret. (well i just blew that didnt I?)

well I must be off :)

much love

10:4

p.s the revolving resturaunt is at the top of the Workers Club in Blacktown. And its nice :)

pps this is a saving private ryan photo i found